Learning is one reason for living and we learn from what others have to teach. In this exchange, we also become teacher with something to pass to others. Many people become depressed when they forget their purpose, or feel they have none. We all have a taste, or benefit, to contribute to this big salad, as I like to call it. I wish for everyone to allow their purpose to flourish, without expectation from society or those around us, whether it be big or small. Whatever that means because size is only a matter of perception and maybe that is where the harsh self-judgment lies. From the grocery clerk to the president of a country, they all add something and we need to respect them all on their own path. In that respect, we learn to respect ourselves. So many want to judge people in their purpose, whether it be considered "good" or "bad," and yet lack in respecting themselves. There is a huge difference in observing and judging. I try not to judge others for judging others, or at least strive not to. I see that in their criticism, they are finding themselves. (Maybe that is a judgment in itself?) Just like mirrors, they help us to see ourselves. Upon finding dark under-eye circles in the mirror do you decide that you need to change your lifestyle or habits. I find that it is hard to see oneself when it looks the same day after day. Hence, many choose to be around those who are similar because it is comfortable. You find that when you are around someone who does not share the same values and thoughts, tension at times arises. Tension is what creates change and in turn allows you to see yourself more clearly.
Many judge those who run our countries, our governments and yet when you really look you see the same ailments that plague us all: greed, power, instant sexual satisfaction, etc. But it is really selfishness, a lack of care for others over their own gain. Why do you think so many Buddhists say improve yourself and you improve the world. I think we forget our power to change the world. Do you think barking and complaining really changes much? It only shows anger or gives a headache, they cannot see themselves when they are confronted with the same...look in the mirror. That is why it is so important to work on your own selfishness and move towards self-sacrifice. Imagine if everyone did this? If a majority, a collective consciousness, left the selfish to be out-numbered and without support, only then can we create greater change. I know some of you will not agree and say what about those assholes who maliciously kill others? Yes, there are people whose purpose is to "fight" those people...that is self-sacrifice and that may be their purpose. And when you have cleared all the bullshit away within yourself, you will know if and when you will take action. You may call me idealistic, or simplistic, but maybe life is more simple than you think and we make it more difficult than it is. Ask why is it so hard to simply say, "I am sorry," to someone, especially someone you love? Something so easy and beneficial for both giver and receiver and yet we make it so difficult. I have faith in the magic that people can create in this big world with all the small things. I can not make others change, I can only pass what I feel and my ability to love. At times, the pain in this world weighs heavily on my heart and I am trying to learn how to let go of the judgment which causes that pain. Perhaps writing is a tool that effects the reflection in which looks back at me.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
Otherwise known as Saigon. I was invited by distributors of my company to train massage for a spa opening. The point is to make the massage in Vietnam like it would be in Thailand. Standardizing. A bit difficult at times with language and cultural barriers but totally possible when there's a will...there's a way. This is a motto from my high school that I have taken with me on the path to....success? I truly enjoy teaching my art of healing and massage therapy to others. If someone is willing to learn, I am willing to teach. I may even try too hard when someone is not so willing to learn. But I know this only drains my energy in the end. So I'm learning what it means to be a teacher. I always knew that I wanted to be a teacher. To give back to this world any knowledge of that which I possess.
I could see myself living here...maybe. It's a very cute little city with plenty of cultured foreigners and friendly Vietnamese co-existing in an interesting mix of cyclists, scooters galore, taxis, bhan mi, pho and french restaurants. I found myself the first day being swooped up into the party scene and bar hopping to maybe 5 different locations until the break of dawn. Can't really remember all the names, sorry. It started with Mushroom hot pot and lots of wine, then the night took off from there. I met the spa manager, one of the many partners of the spa, a Japanese lingerie mogul and a local fitness center owner....among this mix were my Japanese spa trainer and I. It was truly a delicious meal...quite unique having an assortment of exotic mushrooms, mouth-watering sauces and some beef thrown in there. I live for this international mix....pleasing my soul as well as my palate! Needless to say that after the whiskey on top of, I think, the Sheraton hotel, the night proceeds to become a bit blurry. And me with a bit too much alkeehol, I get a bit more social and fun-seeking. The night becomes blissfully never-ending...that is until the sun peaks it's crown out of the horizon and reminds you that you haven't slept yet and now all the normal people are waking up. Okay, fun's over now and time to head back to hotel for slumber. Poor kidneys are confused by this point. I think so is my brain.
Next day is about recuperation and total confusion in a hotel room with no window to view my new world. I feel as if I am back in a Vegas casino unsure of the time of day without care and reveling in this secret world. One day lost but with good Chinese food to finalize it I ready myself for work the next day....
I am here to train aroma, healing stone, facial therapy and help consult on spa management and standard operating procedures. I am also here to get away from memories past that my mind has yet to let go. I'm thinking change of environment always helps to make changes internally....but only if willing. And I'm definitely willing at this point in time. The spa is located in a beautiful upscale apartment complex (note: I leave out names to protect the guilty as well as the innocent) near the center of Saigon. Very chic and peaceful. A serene haven to come to work to. My therapists are all short, as I am about 180 cm (5'11 1/2"), as usual in my travels in Asia. Being that my mom is Thai and a bit on the shorter side, nobody believes that I could come from her womb. But if you saw my dad, of German/Russian descent, you would say, "Ahhhh." One of the therapists is even half my size which everyone seems to find amusing. I joke about it with her and her with me. This is one thing I find in common with the Thai people, which I find so refreshing, is joking about all the things that maybe the West finds insulting. I think the airing of our little insecurities leaves little room for them to fester in our bodies and minds, creating all sorts of mayhem in the long run. You're skinny, fat, tall, ugly, pretty...you've got a pimple, people talk about it openly and it's all in fun.
Therapists don't make much money in Vietnam but our spa is upscale, giving them a sense of maybe a chance for a better life. I really hope so. I just try to instill in them why they are doing what they do and try to convey my passion for healing. I encourage giving 100% to what you do and if you can't, then maybe you should find something that you want to give it to. This means putting love into what you do for that 60 or 90 minute treatment every single time. Not only does it heal the receiver but it heals the giver. I have found that a lot of mothers make great therapists because they tend to ooze love from their heart and hands. You've got a booboo, mom can always make it feel better...that's the idea. But that's not to say that if you're not a mom, you can't be a healer because I have trained therapists with healing hands to be great therapists. It's the passion that may be a necessity.
Back to Vietnam. I surprisingly found a Hindu temple one block from my hotel so I had to check it out to find if Goddess Laksmi was within my midst. I found myself barraged by incense, candles, rice and other interesting offerings. I felt a bit overwhelmed as one of the guys led me inside to school me on how to pray to the deities and encouraged me to take photos. I found my beloved Laksmi, among others, to my relief. As I admired the insides of the temple I couldn't help to wonder how much I would have to pay for this curiosity. Hence, upon exiting they came rushing from all sides. 200,000 dong (that's a little over $10) split between 4 people....ugh....I gave them a look of dismay but knew they didn't care and I was not about to argue. I don't mind helping others but being taken for a ride leaves a bit of sour tinge in your giving. I would eventually have to walk past them everyday before leaving this city with big grins on their face, "Hey, there's that tall FOBer." That's fresh off the boat for those of you lacking knowledge in immigrant lingo. I can say that I got lots of stares everywhere I went. Maybe they were wondering what was my ethnicity or how could a woman be so tall....and so beautiful? He he he....that's a joke. I even had a taxi driver get in an accident, a totally avoidable fender bender with a stopped car. I think he was looking at me in his rear-view mirror because the taxis do this a lot with me, I'm not exaggerating. So I ended up with an inflamed shoulder muscle the next day. To add to this week, I got a bad cold and my womanly thing on top of it. But some good things did happen....I met some really interesting and kind people, ate some really wonderful French and Vietnamese food and I was away from my memories. Or at least I thought; I think loneliness paid some visits in my times alone at the hotel. I had a lot of time to think about my life and those in it, or out of it. I can honestly say that it was a very beneficial time for me. I faced my fears, my hurts, my expectations. I had wild dreams that gave me insight and also had epiphanies. I love that word because it sounds like what it means. The sages always say to let go of expectations and we will be free. I guess I never truly understood what they meant. I always said I wanted to make people happy in my life. It's an innocent enough desire....and yet I didn't realize it WAS an expectation. How can I by giving my love expect the outcome to be happiness when that is out of my control? I saw how I was creating my own suffering. In that moment, life became lighter and I let go of the hurt and anger that was haunting me, making me sick, creating accidents around me. Yes, there was one more accident to speak of. I got hit by a bicycle. Let me explain my fear that I faced in Vietnam regarding the traffic. The motorcycles are coming at you, everyone's honking like there's no tomorrow and I look like a deer in headlights. But I found that in Vietnam you need to just cross the street, they go so slow enough that they will go around you. In Bangkok, you have to run for your life, or at least that's me anyway. So I saw an opening, a chance to cross the street and I hastily jumped at the chance. Without looking to my left, because the one-way street traffic was coming from the right, I was hit by a man yelling, "Euy, yeuy, yeuy!" Like a tree (which my aunt calls me in Thai 'ton mai') I was not knocked down but looked at him with an irritated face and could only muster a, "Geez!" and saw that my chance was still open and ran across the street. My knee and arm were a bit throbbing but all I could do was laugh at myself and how funny it must have looked to the coming motorists. So nothing serious, only a realization that I needed to pay more attention. I mean what was I thinking, everyone drives every which way and don't obey lights or one-way streets! It was funny though. Everything happens for a reason. They say that repressed anger attracts accidents or aggression. I knew what I was doing to myself and I decided to let it go.
One of my most memorable nights was singing karaoke with and dancing with my therapists. They welcomed us with smiles and respect and farewelled us with warmth and sincere sadness. Hearing, "teacher, teacher," everyday was somehow rewarding and I will quite miss that in contrast to "Khun Mae," Miss Mom in Thai. Although I am not quite a mom yet, something I would love to be, I realized I am doing what I love at this moment. I feel I am a better person after Saigon. I have more love for myself and others. Being back in Bangkok, of which I was running from, I have a renewed sense of love even for this crazy city. But maybe there is crazy everywhere. It follows you when it is within you. So I decided I want to be love so that I can attract more of it. Everything IS at it should be in this moment. Of course I have desires for the future but in the present I am grateful for what I do have without a sense of lacking. So when the things that I desire do come, I feel they will only add more happiness to this love-filled life that I already have.
I could see myself living here...maybe. It's a very cute little city with plenty of cultured foreigners and friendly Vietnamese co-existing in an interesting mix of cyclists, scooters galore, taxis, bhan mi, pho and french restaurants. I found myself the first day being swooped up into the party scene and bar hopping to maybe 5 different locations until the break of dawn. Can't really remember all the names, sorry. It started with Mushroom hot pot and lots of wine, then the night took off from there. I met the spa manager, one of the many partners of the spa, a Japanese lingerie mogul and a local fitness center owner....among this mix were my Japanese spa trainer and I. It was truly a delicious meal...quite unique having an assortment of exotic mushrooms, mouth-watering sauces and some beef thrown in there. I live for this international mix....pleasing my soul as well as my palate! Needless to say that after the whiskey on top of, I think, the Sheraton hotel, the night proceeds to become a bit blurry. And me with a bit too much alkeehol, I get a bit more social and fun-seeking. The night becomes blissfully never-ending...that is until the sun peaks it's crown out of the horizon and reminds you that you haven't slept yet and now all the normal people are waking up. Okay, fun's over now and time to head back to hotel for slumber. Poor kidneys are confused by this point. I think so is my brain.
Next day is about recuperation and total confusion in a hotel room with no window to view my new world. I feel as if I am back in a Vegas casino unsure of the time of day without care and reveling in this secret world. One day lost but with good Chinese food to finalize it I ready myself for work the next day....
I am here to train aroma, healing stone, facial therapy and help consult on spa management and standard operating procedures. I am also here to get away from memories past that my mind has yet to let go. I'm thinking change of environment always helps to make changes internally....but only if willing. And I'm definitely willing at this point in time. The spa is located in a beautiful upscale apartment complex (note: I leave out names to protect the guilty as well as the innocent) near the center of Saigon. Very chic and peaceful. A serene haven to come to work to. My therapists are all short, as I am about 180 cm (5'11 1/2"), as usual in my travels in Asia. Being that my mom is Thai and a bit on the shorter side, nobody believes that I could come from her womb. But if you saw my dad, of German/Russian descent, you would say, "Ahhhh." One of the therapists is even half my size which everyone seems to find amusing. I joke about it with her and her with me. This is one thing I find in common with the Thai people, which I find so refreshing, is joking about all the things that maybe the West finds insulting. I think the airing of our little insecurities leaves little room for them to fester in our bodies and minds, creating all sorts of mayhem in the long run. You're skinny, fat, tall, ugly, pretty...you've got a pimple, people talk about it openly and it's all in fun.
Therapists don't make much money in Vietnam but our spa is upscale, giving them a sense of maybe a chance for a better life. I really hope so. I just try to instill in them why they are doing what they do and try to convey my passion for healing. I encourage giving 100% to what you do and if you can't, then maybe you should find something that you want to give it to. This means putting love into what you do for that 60 or 90 minute treatment every single time. Not only does it heal the receiver but it heals the giver. I have found that a lot of mothers make great therapists because they tend to ooze love from their heart and hands. You've got a booboo, mom can always make it feel better...that's the idea. But that's not to say that if you're not a mom, you can't be a healer because I have trained therapists with healing hands to be great therapists. It's the passion that may be a necessity.
Back to Vietnam. I surprisingly found a Hindu temple one block from my hotel so I had to check it out to find if Goddess Laksmi was within my midst. I found myself barraged by incense, candles, rice and other interesting offerings. I felt a bit overwhelmed as one of the guys led me inside to school me on how to pray to the deities and encouraged me to take photos. I found my beloved Laksmi, among others, to my relief. As I admired the insides of the temple I couldn't help to wonder how much I would have to pay for this curiosity. Hence, upon exiting they came rushing from all sides. 200,000 dong (that's a little over $10) split between 4 people....ugh....I gave them a look of dismay but knew they didn't care and I was not about to argue. I don't mind helping others but being taken for a ride leaves a bit of sour tinge in your giving. I would eventually have to walk past them everyday before leaving this city with big grins on their face, "Hey, there's that tall FOBer." That's fresh off the boat for those of you lacking knowledge in immigrant lingo. I can say that I got lots of stares everywhere I went. Maybe they were wondering what was my ethnicity or how could a woman be so tall....and so beautiful? He he he....that's a joke. I even had a taxi driver get in an accident, a totally avoidable fender bender with a stopped car. I think he was looking at me in his rear-view mirror because the taxis do this a lot with me, I'm not exaggerating. So I ended up with an inflamed shoulder muscle the next day. To add to this week, I got a bad cold and my womanly thing on top of it. But some good things did happen....I met some really interesting and kind people, ate some really wonderful French and Vietnamese food and I was away from my memories. Or at least I thought; I think loneliness paid some visits in my times alone at the hotel. I had a lot of time to think about my life and those in it, or out of it. I can honestly say that it was a very beneficial time for me. I faced my fears, my hurts, my expectations. I had wild dreams that gave me insight and also had epiphanies. I love that word because it sounds like what it means. The sages always say to let go of expectations and we will be free. I guess I never truly understood what they meant. I always said I wanted to make people happy in my life. It's an innocent enough desire....and yet I didn't realize it WAS an expectation. How can I by giving my love expect the outcome to be happiness when that is out of my control? I saw how I was creating my own suffering. In that moment, life became lighter and I let go of the hurt and anger that was haunting me, making me sick, creating accidents around me. Yes, there was one more accident to speak of. I got hit by a bicycle. Let me explain my fear that I faced in Vietnam regarding the traffic. The motorcycles are coming at you, everyone's honking like there's no tomorrow and I look like a deer in headlights. But I found that in Vietnam you need to just cross the street, they go so slow enough that they will go around you. In Bangkok, you have to run for your life, or at least that's me anyway. So I saw an opening, a chance to cross the street and I hastily jumped at the chance. Without looking to my left, because the one-way street traffic was coming from the right, I was hit by a man yelling, "Euy, yeuy, yeuy!" Like a tree (which my aunt calls me in Thai 'ton mai') I was not knocked down but looked at him with an irritated face and could only muster a, "Geez!" and saw that my chance was still open and ran across the street. My knee and arm were a bit throbbing but all I could do was laugh at myself and how funny it must have looked to the coming motorists. So nothing serious, only a realization that I needed to pay more attention. I mean what was I thinking, everyone drives every which way and don't obey lights or one-way streets! It was funny though. Everything happens for a reason. They say that repressed anger attracts accidents or aggression. I knew what I was doing to myself and I decided to let it go.
One of my most memorable nights was singing karaoke with and dancing with my therapists. They welcomed us with smiles and respect and farewelled us with warmth and sincere sadness. Hearing, "teacher, teacher," everyday was somehow rewarding and I will quite miss that in contrast to "Khun Mae," Miss Mom in Thai. Although I am not quite a mom yet, something I would love to be, I realized I am doing what I love at this moment. I feel I am a better person after Saigon. I have more love for myself and others. Being back in Bangkok, of which I was running from, I have a renewed sense of love even for this crazy city. But maybe there is crazy everywhere. It follows you when it is within you. So I decided I want to be love so that I can attract more of it. Everything IS at it should be in this moment. Of course I have desires for the future but in the present I am grateful for what I do have without a sense of lacking. So when the things that I desire do come, I feel they will only add more happiness to this love-filled life that I already have.
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